Welcome to 2011… this year, the Gods of cinema have a gift they’re sure you’ll love, but nevertheless cannot exchange or refund! In the wake of franchise returns for Meet the Parents: Little Fockers, The Chronicles of Narnia: the Voyage of the Dawn Treader and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Hollywood has wrapped up a few surprises in the forthcoming releases: Another stint for Martin Lawrence in a fat suit in Big Mommas: Like Father, like son and because high performance petrol fumes have clearly affected too many brains, Paul Walker and Vin Diesel are back with the Fifth flick to spawn from 2001’s The Fast and The Furious, lazily entitled Fast Five.
Initial cognition recognises that this title could have been penned by Enid Blyton, leaving Fast Five solely reliant on a few racy promo shots of fancy cars and the release of a cast list that includes nearly every recognisable actor from the previous four films. In terms of story it seems we have already seen Vin and Paul outrun a drug lord and an unrelenting cop, only this time around they race through the streets of Rio de Janeiro instead of Mexico. Another movie, another venture further south to avoid American jurisdiction.
Undoubtedly, every remotely car crazy person out there will be thrashing their Excel from suburbia to the Cinema… just try not to crash into the Neanderthal dialogue or Dwayne ‘Tooth Fairy‘ Johnson himself. Distraction by Jordana Brewster a definite plus.
You know what they say, same sh*t, different label… it just so happens that these labels keep raking in the cash. Evidently, if they love anything more than a remake in Hollywood, it has to be a re-hash of stale characters and lucky-dip storylines we’re sure we’ve seen before.
After the green lights were flashed at productions for Big Mommas: Like Father, like Son and Fast Five, is it possible to consider any franchise returns that could be worse? Are there any worthy candidates? Let your imagination run wild.
My money is on Roland Emmerich getting around to a 2012 sequel. Once the year has passed, naturally.
