Film critics are conceited by definition, but we’re not smug enough to think that the legions of Twilight fans could give two hoots about our opinion on their beloved franchise. That much was clear when last year’s Twilight managed to pull an impressive $380 million at the global box office, despite the fact that a majority of critics (i.e. myself) considered it a droning, ineptly crafted teen-romance. It has therefore been in the best interest of this year’s sequel, New Moon, to change absolutely nothing. Once again, critics will mercilessly steak the film to death with garlic infused words, but it will do little to stop box office records from crumbling.
This particular critic, however, won’t bite too hard. Under the more adept direction of Chris Weitz (The Golden Compass, About A Boy), New Moon transcends the ‘B-movie’ feel that Catherine Hardwicke lent the first film (no doubt a bigger budget helped too). The action, for one, doesn’t look like a circus trapeze act, as tighter edits and a stronger presence of (sloppy) CGI adds some much needed bursts of excitement. There’s also a bit more meat on the bones of Stephenie Meyer’s story and less meandering schmaltz, but with a drawn-out running time of 130 minutes, it’s still a gruelling endurance test for anyone with a Y chromosome.
The uninitiated will want to be vaguely familiar with the characters and events of the first Twilight film/novel before tackling New Moon, as the film assumes it of its audience. It shouldn’t take long, as the story itself is fairly straight forward; moody teenager Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) is infatuated with her vampire boyfriend Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). After getting a paper cut at her 18th birthday party, Edward’s adoptive brother Jasper (Jackson Rathbone) goes rabid at the scent of her blood. In order to protect Bella from his bloodthirsty family, Edward abruptly moves away, reluctantly saying that he never wants to see her again. Bella falls into chronic depression, thrashing about at night due to withdrawals from her vampiric boyfriend, deeply concerning her caring, but utterly helpless, police-officer father (Billy Burke).
Eventually, Bella manages to find some solace in her muscular friend Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), who is burdened by a “wolfish” secret of his own (don’t act like that’s a spoiler), one that naturally requires him and his menacing pack of friends to go bareback for most of the movie (seriously, the entire film is like a gigantic firefighter’s calendar). A wacky love triangle results as Bella must decide whether to continue to pine for Edward, the pale beauty who left her on her lonesome, or Jacob, the brawny wolf-boy who was there in her time of need.
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I haven’t read any of Meyer’s novels, but I get the impression that they weren’t written with a film adaptation in mind, as niggling details and sugary romantic interludes take precedence over anything of actual importance or cinematic flair. Devoid of humour, Melissa Rosenberg’s adapted screenplay is also too predictable to remain engaging, clutching onto blatantly obvious secrets for far too long.
But for the millions of fans who know the story back to front, a lack of surprises isn’t much of a concern. They’re only interested in seeing two things; firstly, how faithful the film is to the novel – which according to my Twilight-loving friend, the film begins quite differently and is noticeably condensed in parts supposedly for the better – and secondly, to capture a glimpse of vampire hunk Edward Cullen and his perpetually-shirtless rival Jacob “beefcake” Black. It’s not hard to see why the girls swoon; Edward’s appeal owes considerably to his brooding James Dean persona, and Pattinson’s performance shows sufficient depth. With considerably more screen time, Lautner is set to take a bit of the limelight from Pattinson, although his turn as Jacob isn’t as impressive as his biceps. His delivery is serviceable enough, but since Lautner’s torso stands rigid like a life-size Hulk doll, he gives off little body language.
Perhaps my biggest gripe with the Twilight saga is protagonist Bella. Her ‘misunderstood teenager’ act is something you’d expect from a 13 year old, not a young adult. Bella is the worst role model a teenage girl could have; not only is she incapable of making rash decisions, her incessant “emo” moping is overbearing. To make matters worse, at any expression of emotion – elation, lust, depression, fear — a breathy Kristen Stewart irritatingly recycles the same response, bizarrely clutching at her gut like her spleen’s about to burst. It’s a wonder why Edward’s adoptive sister Alice isn’t more of a central character, as she’s easily the most likeable, portrayed with delightful quirk by Ashley Greene. Elsewhere in support, Michael Sheen adds some classic vampire menace as Volturi leader Aro, while Dakota Fanning has approximately three lines of dialogue and one wide-eyed expression as Aro’s revered guard. I suspect we’ll be seeing more of her in the third instalment, Eclipse, due next June.
But for the sake of my sanity, let’s not talk about that.
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